Raina, Seema, Ashwin and Prem were on the same team. Working in close quarters all day, they soon drifted to friendly terms and bonded over shared jokes and laughter. Slowly they took to hanging out together during breaks and often went out for coffee after work as well. Unfortunately, Ashwin was regularly admonished for below par performance and finally even cautioned that he would be dismissed from the job. Seema was worried for her ‘friend' and tried to support him by helping out with his responsibilities and coaching him to improve performance.
Very soon Ashwin expressed a romantic interest in Seema and while Seema was stunned out of her wits at the ‘sudden change' in Ashwin's expectations, the latter too was gob smacked by her deliberately misleading behaviour. Prem and Ravi, another colleague also joined in Ashwin's vociferous claims of the ‘calculated duplicity' of Seema. On the other hand, Raina quietly held that Seema's sympathetic intentions had clearly been misinterpreted.
Well, good relationships with co-workers is essential for developing a harmonious, trustful working atmosphere and especially critical when it comes to working cohesively as a team. It directly impacts the quality of work, job satisfaction and ultimately impinges on career success as well. But, with the growing ranks of working women, mixed-gender interpersonal relationships have entered the equation. This brings unique complications, primarily due to the gender differences in both communication and interpretation.
Cross-gender interpersonal issues
Men and women think differently, behave differently and also interpret things differently. Things that come naturally to a woman, like showing concern, encouragement, a polite compliment or friendly conversation is misconstrued time and again.
Added to this, women are generally better at interpersonal skills and can tune into others' feelings and nuances easily. They also naturally tend to show more care, affection, empathy, support and gratitude which give men a very misleading impression. Not to mention the penchant to share personal details and ‘connect' with everyone they work with!
Another serious challenge in these relationships is that men habitually associate physical contact with communicating sexual desire even while the woman may have no such intentions.
As Sonia Singh, a communications consultant in a marketing firm points out, “Some men may get mixed messages and get the wrong idea. For example, if I smile at my male colleague, he might think something different. So to save myself the trouble, I avoid it completely!” This may sound extreme but wrong interpretations can even lead to very dangerous consequences ranging from inappropriate expectations and unwelcome advances to harassment.
Drawing the line
Our workplaces being predominantly male bastions and largely gender-biased, the onus is on the working woman to safeguard her interests by adopting appropriate and watchful behaviour. The fact of the matter is that workplaces still have less tolerance for ‘typical female' interaction styles and women are left with little choice but to fit themselves into the male-dominated environment.
There isn't the liberty to completely avoid interaction with males or even opt for women-only environments. So, instead of unwittingly sending out the wrong signals and courting unnecessary risks, it is advisable to tread with caution and set limits right at the start.
Steer clear from violating a co-worker's personal space by say, sitting too close, hugging with excitement or asking personal questions and do not permit others to do the same either. An intense body language can also be construed as sexual overtones. While you should avoid becoming very conscious in your dealing with male colleagues, remember that there is the tendency to read casual jokes, teasing and other banter (with the most honest intentions) as inviting signals.
Also, be aware of the differences in male and female patterns in verbal communication. Men are objective, rational and operate from their intellect in concise and factual communication which renders feelings quite irrelevant.
Keeping these differences in mind will help you to avoid sending out welcome signals even inadvertently.
As software programmer, Shailaja Narang elucidates, “When I am interacting with men, I keep it to the point.
I do not discuss other points or subjects other than work.” Forget trying to ‘connect'!
Moreover, male interpretation is not just complex and subjective, but can also vary widely depending on the work environment, kind of people and above all, personal equations.
Sounds like a minefield for sure, but use the guiding principle of interacting in a natural yet controlled manner and you will get used to it soon enough.
And this does not mean that you have to watch every smile or curb every laugh, just be careful.
To sum up, till men are properly educated on how to interact and interpret the opposite sex in the workplace, women will keep facing these additional challenges and obstacles when interacting with their male peers!
Author: Payal Chanania
faqs@cnkonline.com
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