Befitting Body Language

"He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of every pore."-Sigmund Freud

BODY language is a largely unconscious, yet a revealing aspect of our true selves. It's not what we say but how we say something is important. Many a time we speak volumes without even uttering a word. Communication is a package deal of verbal, non-verbal and vocal cues. Through extensive communication research, it has been discovered that words account for a tiny seven percent of a message's impact. The rest comes from non-verbal cues, such as voice tone and facial expression. It's only when we interpret all the cues, that we get the whole message - or what you end up with is a partial communication.

Remember how we've been taught not to believe everything we hear? Only believe what you sense and see, such as body language and its associated meaning. If someone compliments you with a smirk on his face, are you going to feel flattered?

Body Language is also the most powerful method of validating your words. Even if you say the most meaningful sentence with a deadpan expression, nobody will believe you. Your expressions, body, gestures and vocal pitch must match your words. Body language is what gives meaning to words; it causes the message to reach the heart and brain.

There are instances when words fail us in our efforts to convey a message. Often, we don't reveal how we feel about people or what we actually mean when we say something. Sometimes a `no' means a `yes' or a `maybe' implies `no'. So, to make the meaning of our words clear, we use body language. We use body language all the time.

Since humans are social creatures, when two people come into contact, they begin exchanging non-verbal communication signals. Just the very presence of another person marks the beginning of communication. It's not possible to be not communicating when amongst people.

Also related to non-verbal communication is self-presentation - appearance. Would you dress up in your best to go to the local grocery for milk? On occasions like interviews, public performances and formal events, one may choose to manipulate impressions in order to impress upon others about one's desirable qualities in an effort to strengthen self-image.

Culture is a strong determinant of body language - of how we use and interpret it. It is wise to remember that meaning of certain gestures varies from culture to culture. Workplace culture has its own set of rules and interpretations. Out here you really need to be more specific and meaningful, so your gestures should match your words.

Nobody has the time or patience to find out what you really mean, why you are behaving in a certain way, or what your underlying issues may be. There's a lot to be said about people at the workplace from the way they sit or stand, shake hands, look and speak, move and use their body. You can read people by observing their facial expressions, vocal qualities, hand gestures, body movements, posture, etc.

They can be judged at the intuitive level by observing all of these movements. Body language is especially important in the corporate world as it can be used to influence decisions and turn the tide in your favour.

In order to send the right messages at work, be conscious of how you use your body:

Don't be stiff: Use the body - it ought to move. It speaks when words fail you. One who says the right words but doesn't use his body to send compatible signals comes across as insincere, impersonal and ineffective person.

Don't gesticulate too much: Be aware of how much you are using your body. Too much gesturing can be annoying, distracting and makes you appear hyperactive. Remember to use your body to score a point, not lose one.

Don't just tell, show: When you're making a presentation, attending an interview or holding a meeting, show them how good you are. Use gestures, expressions and, in fact, perform to hold your audience's attention.

Imbibe mannerisms: Imagine which mannerisms you like and adopt those that best suit you and your purpose. If you like a certain way, work on it. Don't adopt mannerisms that are incongruent and awkward with what you are as a person. Gestures are meant to be natural, not artificial. Or the whole purpose of using gestures gets lost as they are supposed to substantiate and give credibility to your words.

Dress appropriately: Our outer garb is also a reflection of how we want to appear and what statement we are trying to make. Clothes should enhance your purpose, not distract it. These are conscious forms of body language wherein we try to make an impact on a select audience.

It is fascinating to understand body language and use it to our advantage. Apart from making communication more effective and interesting, an understanding of body language will go a long way towards improving our ability to make out when a person is lying and sense where one's opponent's interests lay.

Dynamics of interpersonal relationships

Raina, Seema, Ashwin and Prem were on the same team. Working in close quarters all day, they soon drifted to friendly terms and bonded over shared jokes and laughter. Slowly they took to hanging out together during breaks and often went out for coffee after work as well. Unfortunately, Ashwin was regularly admonished for below par performance and finally even cautioned that he would be dismissed from the job. Seema was worried for her ‘friend' and tried to support him by helping out with his responsibilities and coaching him to improve performance.

Very soon Ashwin expressed a romantic interest in Seema and while Seema was stunned out of her wits at the ‘sudden change' in Ashwin's expectations, the latter too was gob smacked by her deliberately misleading behaviour. Prem and Ravi, another colleague also joined in Ashwin's vociferous claims of the ‘calculated duplicity' of Seema. On the other hand, Raina quietly held that Seema's sympathetic intentions had clearly been misinterpreted.

Well, good relationships with co-workers is essential for developing a harmonious, trustful working atmosphere and especially critical when it comes to working cohesively as a team. It directly impacts the quality of work, job satisfaction and ultimately impinges on career success as well. But, with the growing ranks of working women, mixed-gender interpersonal relationships have entered the equation. This brings unique complications, primarily due to the gender differences in both communication and interpretation.

Cross-gender interpersonal issues

Men and women think differently, behave differently and also interpret things differently. Things that come naturally to a woman, like showing concern, encouragement, a polite compliment or friendly conversation is misconstrued time and again.

Added to this, women are generally better at interpersonal skills and can tune into others' feelings and nuances easily. They also naturally tend to show more care, affection, empathy, support and gratitude which give men a very misleading impression. Not to mention the penchant to share personal details and ‘connect' with everyone they work with!

Another serious challenge in these relationships is that men habitually associate physical contact with communicating sexual desire even while the woman may have no such intentions.

As Sonia Singh, a communications consultant in a marketing firm points out, “Some men may get mixed messages and get the wrong idea. For example, if I smile at my male colleague, he might think something different. So to save myself the trouble, I avoid it completely!” This may sound extreme but wrong interpretations can even lead to very dangerous consequences ranging from inappropriate expectations and unwelcome advances to harassment.

Drawing the line

Our workplaces being predominantly male bastions and largely gender-biased, the onus is on the working woman to safeguard her interests by adopting appropriate and watchful behaviour. The fact of the matter is that workplaces still have less tolerance for ‘typical female' interaction styles and women are left with little choice but to fit themselves into the male-dominated environment.

There isn't the liberty to completely avoid interaction with males or even opt for women-only environments. So, instead of unwittingly sending out the wrong signals and courting unnecessary risks, it is advisable to tread with caution and set limits right at the start.

Steer clear from violating a co-worker's personal space by say, sitting too close, hugging with excitement or asking personal questions and do not permit others to do the same either. An intense body language can also be construed as sexual overtones. While you should avoid becoming very conscious in your dealing with male colleagues, remember that there is the tendency to read casual jokes, teasing and other banter (with the most honest intentions) as inviting signals.

Also, be aware of the differences in male and female patterns in verbal communication. Men are objective, rational and operate from their intellect in concise and factual communication which renders feelings quite irrelevant.

Keeping these differences in mind will help you to avoid sending out welcome signals even inadvertently.

As software programmer, Shailaja Narang elucidates, “When I am interacting with men, I keep it to the point.

I do not discuss other points or subjects other than work.” Forget trying to ‘connect'!

Moreover, male interpretation is not just complex and subjective, but can also vary widely depending on the work environment, kind of people and above all, personal equations.

Sounds like a minefield for sure, but use the guiding principle of interacting in a natural yet controlled manner and you will get used to it soon enough.

And this does not mean that you have to watch every smile or curb every laugh, just be careful.

To sum up, till men are properly educated on how to interact and interpret the opposite sex in the workplace, women will keep facing these additional challenges and obstacles when interacting with their male peers!

Author: Payal Chanania

                 faqs@cnkonline.com

Listen, to serve customers better

Customer service has definitely become a top priority in most organisations around the world. After all, customers are the most vital asset and businesses go all out to support them and resolve their problems. They seek suggestions, solicit feedback and offer all kinds of gifts and offers to both retain customers and increase their satisfaction.

Yet, the most sincere and earnest efforts for providing top-notch customer service fall flat as most times, customers feel that they are not listened to properly! In fact, a recent study (published in the book ‘Customer Loyalty: How to Earn It, How to Keep It' by Jill Griffin and Jossey Bass) reports that a whopping 87% of customers feel that the companies they have contact with don't listen to them good enough! Most customers end up feeling annoyed and exasperated at their ‘futile' attempts to get through to a customer service representative!

Customers literally crave effective listening with undivided attention. So much so that, the greatest compliment an organisation can pay a customer is to listen to them. Really listen - as if you mean it and what the person is saying really matters!

Tips for developing listening skills

The golden rule is: when a customer starts talking, drop everything and concentrate on listening to what he is saying. In face-to-face contact, tune out all distractions like other customers, conversations, etc. and maintain comfortable eye contact while the customer is speaking. If on the telephone, sit up immediately and forget multi-tasking like reading emails or even browsing the web. Do not even be preoccupied with what you will say next or how to counteract the issue as it will only cause you to lose attention. Avoid making assumptions or jumping to conclusions, thinking that you already know what the customer wants.

Focus totally on the customer, paying attention to not just his words but also the accompanying tone, inflection, body language and other emotional cues. Crossed arms, tension in shoulders and facial expressions can hint at real feelings. Even pauses and silence can help you decipher the unspoken needs. There is the reflexive tendency to butt in with justifications, arguments or even brush away with ‘That's not my department' or ‘you need to talk to….' even before the customer can finish. Remember that abruptly cutting off a customer or challenging the issue is a grave sin. Instead of interrupting, wait till he is done and then paraphrase what has been said to avoid any misinterpretation. This will also demonstrate genuine interest, attention and comprehension; you can even jot down key points if needed. Change your mindset and move from a naturally defensive or challenging mode to a more opportunistic one by asking further questions to clarify the inquiry/complaint and elicit more reactions. Meanwhile, make appropriate affirmative responses like nodding, smiling to show that you are really listening and understanding the issue. You don't have to necessarily agree, just listen without judging and show that you empathise with what the customer feels and understand what he is trying to achieve!

Avoid resorting to stock or rehearsed responses as well. Instead, engage the customer in an interactive conversation by say, talking about how you can solve the problem or seeking suggestions. Even if you need to use practiced responses, do so in a natural and sympathetic manner. Another case in point: Control your emotions and be courteous, no matter how rude the customer might be!

Finally, the most caring and attentive listening will come undone for lack of proper follow-up. So, ensure that you take appropriate action. With this kind of approach, the customer will not just feel good about how he was treated, but also understood, respected, appreciated and valued. And, the ability to connect and build such a rapport works as the biggest differentiator in the marketplace (irrespective of company size and scale). Therefore, listening carefully will not only reap the expected benefits like identifying opportunities to help customers, improving product/service and anticipating future needs, but the customers will actually like you and you will have satisfied, loyal, trusting and committed customers who will gladly spread the good word about the excellent customer service. So listen well to sell more and serve better.

To sum up, most customer service representatives are good talkers. But it pays to shut up and listen carefully! After all, in the world of service, listening is far more important than talking!

Learning from customer disappointment

Customer disappointment is a great business tool to understand that your service levels are not up to the mark and you need to scale up to meet customer expectations. Moving forward, you need to exceed their expectations and ensure customer delight. In fact, this is the only route to have a loyal customer base in the highly competitive atmosphere.

Accept the truth

Face the facts, first. Customer language and aggression are clear clues that things are not right with the services you are offering.

More than discussing about the lack of proper services amongst your own teams, you should make it a point to collect information from your disappointed customers. The first step is to let them know that you are aware of the limitations in your service. Acknowledge the truth about your drawbacks while communicating with the customers. Your front end customer service representatives play a significant role in accepting the truth and acknowledging it to the customers. Train your representatives about saying sorry to clients who are disappointed.

Gather all the facts about the customer interaction with the service. Analyse the drawbacks that are part of the system. More often than not, representatives blame customers for mishandling a product or service. Let your representatives know that it is mandatory for the company to communicate effectively about the usage of a product or service. Blaming a customer only adds fuel to the fire. The customer might seek the help of a competitive brand.

Provide responsibility to your employees

Going further, customer service personnel should not differentiate themselves from the company. As far as the customers are concerned, every customer service representative is a company interface for them. Hence, the representative needs to own the responsibility and accountability.

This is a fourfold process. Apart from acknowledging the truth, they need to begin working on the issue at hand. They should follow it up later rigorously until the customer gets a solution. Keep the customer informed in all these stages so that the customer is aware of the developments. There might be a paradigm shift in customer opinion about the company if the representative takes the pain to address issues. Assigning proper roles to handle customer complaints and ensuring their closure within the shortest span of time helps tackle customer problems more effectively.

Managers need to address resource issues if lesser number of representatives is a hindrance. If managers do not heed to resource issues, it might lead to discontent among the existing resources. Any training to represent the company might go in vain as the employees are highly de-motivated due to excessive workload. They might try to find ways to stay away from customer issues that require more time and effort. Finally, this will reflect in poor customer service and lack of proper customer retention mechanism in place.

Communicate the known issues

Most products or services come up with some dark spots that cannot be handled immediately. In an attempt to make the customer happy, you should not twist facts and keep the customers hopeful about features that are not available. Instead, customers appreciate if they are told the truth when they inquire about a feature that is not there in the product. Likewise, the product management team should make it a point to highlight any known issues in the documentation that comes with the product or service. Customer service representatives should also be aware of these issues and should communicate promptly to customers who need that information.

Deal with the ground reasons

It is better to have a system that tracks complaints from customers. If there are grey areas that receive maximum amount of customer complaints, managers need to work on these areas and identify the root cause behind these complaints. While it may not be possible to identify such issues in quality testing during production, it helps to take customer feedback and work on these ground reasons to improve the product or service quality.

Customers feel delighted if their problems are addressed in a newer version of the product or service. Most often, such customers contribute to the excellence of the product. Listen to your customers, acknowledge the truth and work to solve their problems – there is no better way to ensure customer satisfaction.

Exam preparation tips

As exams come-a-calling, students burn the midnight oil and spend sleepless nights worrying over grades.

For many, the lead up to the exams is a nerve-racking experience since there is so much pressure from all sides (parents, teachers, peers included) to do well and score good grades.

But preparing for exams need not be a stressful experience, provided you begin well ahead and set a comfortable pace of studying for yourself instead of trying to cram everything in the last moment.

It is not the lack of effort or intention, but poor preparation that is the undoing of many students trying to crack exams.

Poor study habits, missing classes and assignments, failure to set up a regular schedule for preparation and last minute overreach and anxiety are some of the common reasons why students don't do well in the exams.

Each one has his own style of preparation, but there are quite a few tips and tricks that can help you prepare better and beat exam-time stress.

Here are some tips from students themselves that can help you manage the stress, deliver a good performance and also excel.

A regular read-through

Nidhi.P, a student of IIT, Chennai says, “A regular read-through is an important part of my preparation strategy, especially for theory subjects where I have to read through voluminous data and assignments.

I skim through the topics and assignments frequently, focusing only on the keywords and important points.

It helps me register the main idea, and during exams, the preparation becomes much easier.”

Skimming is a great technique to give an edge to your preparation, provided you do it regularly.

Apart from doing your homework and assignments, set aside a regular time— at least half an hour each day— for reading, reviewing and going through what has been taught in school on the day. You need not learn everything by heart, but it is enough to merely read through what has been taught. You can even use the time between classes to review your notes. Check for spellings, expand abbreviations and underline or highlight important points, key words or dates.

Skim through the title, author, diagrams and then question yourself about who, when, where and what the main idea is about.

This will not only help you transfer what you have learnt to your long term memory, but will also be immensely useful at exam time when you may have to do rapid revisions on the topic.

If you can just skim through your lessons in this manner at least two or three times in the same week, you will be able to register almost 80 percent of what you have learnt without much effort.

Structured study timetable

Natraj Money, who appears for his plus two boards this year, swears by the benefits of a structured study timetable. “For me, a weekly study schedule works best because it gives me the flexibility to adjust study goals with homework and assignments.

I usually keep Sundays free for social activities. Study at a place and time when there are minimal distractions. As far as possible, keep your study hours fixed, and schedule all your other tasks around them.

Divide your study material into manageable chunks, so that you don't feel overwhelmed and do a quick review of the topic the next day before you move on,” is what he recommends for fellow students preparing for the big boards.

Memory fundas

For those who have difficulty in memorising, Swathi Subramanyam has a few interesting tips. “I use a number of different techniques to enhance my memory when I have to memorise long lists, tables.

I use acronyms, imagery or even make up songs to help boost my recall.”

“I often use visualising as a memory enhancer to remember formulae,” continues Swathi. “I often use visualising as a memory enhancer to remember formulae,” continues Swathi. You are unlikely to forget the formula Acceleration = Change in Velocity/ time, if you imagine that velocity changed her clothes while time waited below and then they raced to acceleration's party.

This kind of visualising works particularly well for long, jaw-breaking formulae.”

Sushil Kumar prefers to take it on the hard way by writing, rewriting and revising.

He carries a small notebook in his back pocket that has all his maths and physics formulae. “I browse through the pocket book when I am travelling or in between classes.

I practice what I read by writing. Writing helps you organise your thoughts and ideas.”

Space out

Girish Gaikwad, English teacher, St. Ann's School, advises students to space out their studies so that they have enough breaks in between.

“All work and no play can make Jack a dull boy,” he quotes. “When you are doing marathon studying sessions, you should take a ten minute break for every hour of studying. Use this time to get a snack, take a brisk walk or simply converse with a friend or your parent. Alternatively, you might want to get some exercise. It helps you come back with renewed enthusiasm and energy!”

Last but least, don't forget to relax. Sleep at least 6-8 hours and eat a balanced diet. Keep a positive attitude and keep the company of positive, cheerful friends. That will keep your body and mind active, healthy and fully charged for the exams! Best of Luck!