PARENTING : Absolute 'no-no' in front of kids

Our children are our biggest imitators. And very often they emulate the practices they see in their parents. So parents must be careful of what they do and say in front of their li’l ones.

Tara Sharma, a home maker recalls her mistake, “Once when I was experiencing a fit of anger I slapped the maid in our house over breaking our expensive cutlery set in front of my two-year-old. Little did I realize that I was setting the stage for my child's subsequent bad behaviour. What followed subsequently took me by surprise. My son started repeating my act. He was actually mimicking me and I was ashamed of the way I had behaved.”

Child psychologist Dr Manish Chopra points out, “Kids who are exposed to aggression in their homes are very likely to exhibit the same kind of violent behaviour at an early age.”

Children inculcate certain habits and behavioural traits from their parents and their surrounding environment. So, it's quintessential that you keep your child away from practices and influences that can affect their physical and mental growth in the future. We explore what are those ‘no-no’ moves:

1. Fighting and arguing

Sonia Bhasin, a Bangalore-based home maker says, “Since my husband is the sole earner in our family, money has always been in short supply. And this often leads to disagreements which turn ugly and result in violent fights with my husband. My teenager son, who has grown up seeing the two us fighting, has consequently become ill tempered over the years. He usually keeps it to himself, but when he gets agitated, he erupts like a volcano”

A recent report carried out by researchers at the University of Washington and the University of Indiana revealed that most children who witness domestic violence become bullies themselves.

Parenting Tip: “When parents fight, scream or insult each other, children who are witness become aggressive, anxious and withdrawn. How you two handle disagreements in your relationship will directly impact how your kids learn to equip theirs, once they grow up,” says Dr Chopra.

2. Getting cosy.

“My husband is very romantic and sometimes he gets very intimate with me in front of our 10-year old son. I have observed that our son notices our intimate acts and behaves in an unusual way. I have asked my husband to keep a restrain," shares Neha, a school teacher.

Experts suggest that a clear line be drawn between sexual and affectionate behaviour. While the former is harmful, the latter is beneficial. As a parent it’s your duty to strike a balance and behave responsibly in front of your kid.

Parenting Tip: Child psychologist, Dr Chopra states, “Certain gestures like hugging, holding hands, placing your head on your partner's shoulder are positive signs that the parents share a healthy relationship. But sexual display of love between a couple often acts like sexual abuse in the child’s tender mind. The damages done can be grave and the natural growth of the child can get tampered."

3. Cursing/swearing

Rajesh Pandey, a journalist says, “We often hear our next door neighbour abusing his wife. Me and my wife were worried how it was likely to impact their children. Our fear came true as one day we heard his son, who was in college, cursing his mother in a similar way”.

How many times have you dropped the F-bomb in front of your children? Swear words are not always easy to evade, especially if you are used to saying them in your daily vocabulary.

Parenting Tip: Dr Chopra warns against the use of swear words in front of kids. “If you use profanities in front of your children, they will think that it's acceptable to use such words.”

4. Watching violence and nudity on screen

Pratima Ishpunani, an interior designer opines, “We make it a point to drop our two kids at my parents’ place, when we go out every weekend for a movie. We feel that they are too young to handle violence and nudity that is shown in most of the movies today. However, we do take them out to amusement parks, museums and zoological park to make it up for lost time."

Modern age children are exposed to the TV/Internet at a very early age, so it is imperative to ensure that they do not watch violent and vulgar shows as they has a lasting impact on their mind.

Parenting Tip: “There have been many incidents reported in the media where children have hurt themselves copying daring stunts shown in ads, particularly those which exhibit motorbikes stunts. There is always a potential risk of your child becoming aggressive if they watch too much of violence on the TV, while sleazy and vulgar scenes can make them inquisitive and confused. So, it is important to hold back kids from such exposure till the child reaches an age where he/she can differentiate between what is wrong and what is right,” adds Dr Chopra.

5. Drinking/Smoking

“The other day my fourteen-year-old son returned late from his friend’s birthday party. I was shocked to see him in an inebriated state. When I questioned him he bluntly snubbed me by reminding me of my drinking habits,” says Pranjal Joshi, a businessman. Parenting Tip: Relationship expert, Mahima Mathur points out, “If parents themselves engage in drinking or smoking in front of their children, they lose the moral right to stop their kids from indulging in the same, once they grow up. Besides, it’s a known fact that passive smoking can affect children’s respiratory system. So, if you want that your child does not imbibe these bad habits, then try to be an ideal role model by becoming a teetotaler or at least do not drink/smoke in front of them."

6. Lying

“To decline unwanted calls, I have often made up several excuses and have relayed them through my 11-year-old daughter. Lately I have observed that she cooks up some story to hide her misdoings,” said Trideep, a radio artiste.

“Parents often find themselves lying to their children to avoid confrontation, explanations and tears. Most parents lie to keep inquisitive and difficult questions at bay which they find tricky to handle or answer. Since children rely on adults to explain the world to them, it is not recommended that parents present a different picture to them from what actually is,”

Stress Management

Why do we get stressed?

Stress nowadays is as common as air and water. We are surrounded by stress in everyday life – be it at work or at home and the stress levels nowadays are definitely much higher than what existed 100 years ago. We all live most of our life either in the past or in the future and very less time in the present. Of the three states in time, present is very tiny to make one get stressed. Apart from us, none of the animals live either in the past or the future and the amount of stress they take is very less.

We have all seen deer gazing the grass after a hard chase from a tiger. If we were chased by a tiger instead of a deer, we would want to first tell our friends and family about our narrow escape and then moan why does this happen to me and after that think deeply and plan what can be done to avoid this situation totally the next time. This attribute of us living in the past and future makes us come up with a variety of feelings – feelings like loneliness, pain, loss, peer pressure, money, relationship issues and many more. And, all of these feelings invariably end up creating or increasing stress levels.

We are all caught up in a pseudo-real world where we have a set of rules to live. These rules are on top of the rules of nature that govern all beings in this universe. By shutting ourselves in a world of rules and regulations we are exposing us to more and more stress everyday.

So, What’s the way out? Do I just break the rules?

Unfortunately, none of us can break these self-imposed rules. But, stress can definitely be handled by following a more matured approach about life. Having a “life is short” attitude is one way of combating stress. When we think of life this way, we end up worrying a lot lesser. This attitude lets us not to live a life in the past or in the future. We more easily understand that life is not meant to worry about the events that happened a few days before – like the meeting with the customer that didn’t go very well. We also understand life is not about ruminating on events that might happen in future – like the sales targets that need to be achieved in 2 weeks time. Nothing can be changed by worrying about it. But everything can be changed by acting. So instead of worrying about it, we need to have more action.

I would suggest having a motto to yourself whenever you get stressed. Something like “Stop worrying and Start acting”. Try this and see how this changes your life and your stress levels.

Philosophy is good…but would it work?

Having such a “life is short” philosophy is good but unfortunately it wouldn’t work at all times. Though life is short, bread needs to be earned and that doesn’t come for free. So what else can be done to combat stress?

Having a more balanced life style is an alternate option. Trying to achieve work-life balance will definitely reduce stress levels. If everything is nice and balanced then there is no real reason for stress to build. Planning a couple of weeks off from work every six months or so is a very good idea to chill out and rejuvenate. Reducing expectations is another option to tackle stress. We generally get stressed because we expect something and that doesn’t always happen. By reducing expectations and by understanding what is possible and what is not possible, stress build up can be kept at check.

Fair enough! Are there any practical techniques to combat stress?

Apart from these techniques, there are a host of alternate therapies available to control stress build up.Sport is the number one alternative. We concentrate and use a lot of mental energy when we play a sport. But different parts of the brain are used for different activities. Any physical activity is good as it helps the already stressed brain cells to recover. It also helps cleanse the body by pushing out sweat and makes you feel fresh and relaxed. You don’t need to play a sport to a professional level to overcome stress. Instead it should be considered as fun and enjoyed.

Many experts suggest breathing exercises like meditation, yoga, tai chi and pilates can efficiently fight stress. All of these exercises lets you concentrate on the body and use several breathing techniques that relieves stress and pressure. There have been many success stories with all of these activities. But, these exercises are not for all. I have always felt i never had the patience to do Yoga exercises for an hour everyday. I tried it very briefly and gave up. But for me playing a sport works very well. I think it is left to you to find the best suited exercise that fits your daily life.

Exercise is not for me mate!! What can i do?

Apart from these exercises, there are a host of other things that can be tried. Laughing is a very good stress buster and even watching sitcoms for an hour everyday is a great way to reduce every day stress. Socialising with friends and having a laugh together is a great alternative. Having friends will also let one to speak out about things that stresses them and that acts as a stress reliever. Clubbing and dancing are other alternates that can be considered to relax and recover from a stressful activity at work or at home. Sometimes changing eating habits and switching over to a balanced diet works very well for many people to avoid getting stressed for trivial reasons.

To bring out the best from yourself, you need to be out of stress and there are so many easy ways of handling it. All it takes is to be aware of the fact that you are stressed and you need to get out of it.

10 things you should never do at work

There are a number of things that you should never do at a work place. This would of course include things that have been detailed on your contract and would be a legal agreement. Employees are also generally expected to follow the code of conduct and the contract and almost all of us do follow them – like being in the office at agreed working hours, turning up for a meeting in time, calling up the manager if sick etc. etc. These are all common stuff that everyone is generally aware of and would be happy to follow. But there are a few untold things that may not be expected out of an employee but if followed could help you in a number of ways later…

1. Don’t forget your values

Most companies have a document detailing the code of conduct and the code of ethics. These explain the ethics involved in doing business from a company’s point of view and not from a person’s point of view. I am strong buyer of having a defined ethics for yourself. This could mean turning off the PC when you leave work, buying fair trade coffee for the office, running fundraisers and participating in events, to name a few. You would probably do these things in your personal life – then why not incorporate them in work life? Remember….everyone respects people with values.

2. Never over commit

Only commit what you can do. Trying to over commit to impress managers is a very common phenomenon at work. There are two problems associated with this -

* You over commit and do not deliver and the project goes out of schedule potentially leading to a failure

* You over commit then stress yourself and deliver and your manager is going to assume that is what you are generally capable of delivering.

3. Don’t seclude yourself

Don’t seclude yourself by having lunch at your own desk and not being at a work gathering unless you have a very good reason for doing so. You may be seen to be a outsider within the team and that is something you would not want to be bothered with. Once you start moving with people, it makes it much easier for you to voice your opinion during meetings and people will be more likely to accept your point of view and will be happy to discuss ideas further.

4. Never lose your self-respect

Do not engage yourself in doing thing that would tarnish your self-respect. Sometimes being too down-to-earth can be damaging and one needs to balance his personal preferences with his job role. Cleaning up the mess you created is no problem – but do not offer to clean up the mess someone else created – that is not your job! This doesn’t mean you should not help others when they are in need of some help; but it is not a good idea to keep offering help and letting other take advantage of your good attitude.

5. Say ‘No’ to personal work

This is one of the most important of all “never do this at work” topics. It is better not to confuse the work place with your home. Most of us will not work during personal time, then why do personal work during work time? This would include checking personal emails, logging to social networking websites, reading news etc. etc. That said, it doesn’t mean you should always push personal work after office hours. There may be certain personal things that might need immediate attention and you might not have a choice not to do it. In that case, do keep your manager informed.

6. Never poke into others business.

Understand what your job role is and act accordingly. Companies have various levels of engineers and managers to split the job to be done and get that done effectively. Trying to impress the management by over doing things and by doing that, stepping into your colleagues domain / job role is an absolute NO. If you have potential showcase it in what you are asked to do and not by doing some one’s job.

7. Never lie

Although companies do not use lie detectors to find out whether someone is lying about something they did – it is one of the most important aspects to build a good reputation within the company. If you have done something wrong, it is better to put forward the case with all the facts and then say you would take care the next time. Doing something wrong and being genuine about it is much appreciated than lying about it or pointing someone else for your mistakes.

8. Don’t get into personal relationships

Never ever think of misbehaving with co-workers and avoid entering into any sort of relationships at work. These relationships will invariably lead to messy situations when you have to be decisive with a person with whom you are on a personal relationship. And, the moment this story leaks within the office, it is for sure going to affect your personality and esteem.

9. No backbiting…please.

Talking about others behind their back is completely unprofessional and something that you should avoid. If there is a problem, better call the relevant people – manager, supervisor or even the colleague with whom you have a problem – and sort it out right in front of their face. The moment someone realises that you are talking behind their back, they are going to make you the last person on their ‘much respected’ list.

10. Don’t steal

Well…this sounds straight forward. Most companies have CCTV in their premises and although this is not to monitor what employees do – they can indeed see what you are up to. Most of us would say stealing property like cables, stationary etc. are an obvious ‘NO’. But how about technology? Making a copy of the unreleased software that you are currently testing is of course a cause for concern.

10 rules to manage your boss

The relationship with your boss is probably the most important relationship you have at work.


Boss management can stimulate better performance, improve your working life, job satisfaction, and workload. Give your boss a hand and reap the rewards.
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When we think of managing someone, we usually think of managing our team members or subordinates. The above title appeared for the first time a few years ago in a Harvard Business Review article written by two well known socio-psychologists.

Their argument was that in modern companies, subordinates are not solely dependent on their bosses, but that today's complexity requires interdependence: the boss needs her team as well.

I have the vantage point of being an adviser to top management, a CEO, and now as Co-Director of the PED program at IMD. In addition, I have been involved in the restructuring of a major international company, which involves some 12,000 people and 12 hierarchical levels.

In order to unleash the energies and get closer to customers, we divided the group into 250 'small companies' of some 50 people each and of three hierarchical levels. To change the mindset, we organised a 20-day management seminar, during which we discussed the challenge of how to deal with bosses, who in the old structure, tended to hamper change.

The whole process forced me to crystallize my observations and previous experience and test them with the 250 managers. I have grouped the results into ten rules that try to answer some common questions asked by managers with respect to managing their bosses, with the aim of helping the relationship become more effective, foster faster decisions, better decisions and more trust.

1. Decisions: If you do not want a 'no' or procrastination, give him/her a hand

Your boss has other subordinates, other decisions to make. Thus, her (for simplicity, we use 'her' from now on in this article) best bet, if she is pressed for a decision, will be to say no. No, it is too risky; no, we do not have enough evidence; no, it is the wrong timing; no, it is off strategy, et cetera.

To avoid the 'no' that will ruin your and your team's enthusiasm, give her a hand.

Remind her of where you left it last time you met;

Remind her of the objective rather than rushing to the 'what' and 'how';

Remind her of past problems encountered because a decision was not made;

Quickly summarize the options considered, your criteria for selecting one option -- the one you are presenting;

Tell her what you expect from her: simply to inform, to decide jointly, to share the risk, to add one criterion, to re-examine the option;

Focus on the points where you need her help;

Be prepared with facts/data for potential disagreements. Help her out with graphics and visuals so that the situation is grasped faster;

After your meeting, summarize for her the decision in writing to make sure of the understanding;

And finally, once a decision has been made, your way, her way or no way, do not criticize it externally. You have become the best defender; the best ambassador of what was decided.

2. Manage her time: You may represent only 1% of her problems, don't make it as if it is 100%.

Yes, you have preoccupations, problems to solve and issues to tackle. However, while your time is entirely devoted to them, do not expect your boss's time to be also.

The more simple the problem or issue at hand is, the less time you should have her spend on it: prepare, summarize, and synthesize information and options. Do not confuse your more frequent problems with the most important ones.

Book her for several meetings in advance. Nothing is more frustrating than to have to wait days, weeks or months for that extra new meeting needed in order to finalize a decision or a project.

3. An opinion: If you ask for her opinion, she will always have one.

Rare are the bosses who, when asked for their advice or their decision, will use the psychological ping-pong approach of retuning the question to the person who asked.

And their opinion may not always be that of a genius or a visionary. However, once given, the opinion becomes a constraint: was it an order? So, if you don't want your boss's opinion to thwart your achievements, to slow the speed of decision-making, or cloud the viewpoint, then don't ask for it. Best of all, don't ask if you don't need her opinion.

Choose the right moment to avoid procrastination: not only save her time by focusing on big issues, but choose the right moment to do so. If you present an issue at the wrong moment, the chances are she will procrastinate.

Prepare for your meeting: first because the advantage is to the one who is prepared, second because the preparation helps you reduce the time taken to come to the central issue.

Show the forest before the trees in a discussion: if you want to avoid spending a lot of time on going back to basics before she is at full speed with you, start with the basics yourself. Remind her of the objective, where you stand today, and what you want her opinion on.

4. Information: It is not data.

Turn grapes into wine: you are supposed to analyze the results of a market survey, and not be the mailman who passes the thick document full of statistics to your boss. So be selective; be visual; group the data; bring out what is essential. Data overload creates stress, which in turn can create denial, rejection, and numbness. As a manager, you are paid to collect the grapes (data), and turn them into wine, i.e. useful information.

Don't give her only the bad news: give her also the good news. If you keep bringing only bad news, little by little you become the bad news yourself. Don't minimize good news, because you want to focus on the problems. By doing that you contribute to creating a bad atmosphere.

Make sure she does not get the information from others too often: sometimes by being shy about what we should give or because we think it is not relevant, we don't feed our boss with key elements. However, other people could do it before you. And then the hassle starts. "I heard that…", "Why didn't you tell me that…"

And then you need to justify yourself; you may need to modify incorrect information. The trade off is between too little information leading to starvation, frustration, and/or restlessness vs too much information leading to overload.

Round off: what helps more to give sense to an amount or a size: 886,262.11 or 890K? What makes the decision-making process faster: 79.27% vs 21.73% or simply 80% vs 20%. Look back at all the tables you sent to your boss in the last twelve months.

Participate in and contribute to her informal network: every manager, hopefully, does not rely solely for managing on formal information given in internal documents and reports. Some people use internal informal networks. Some others also have an informal outside network of experts, friends, business connections that help them shape their vision of the world and how to act. You have yours; your boss has too. Why not volunteer part of yours, so that you do not always have to react and be defensive about information fed by people you do not necessarily think are the best sources?

5. Problems: Don't just come with problems, come also with solutions.

Good bosses hate two kinds of behavior. The courtesan who always comes to tell you how great you are and the pyromaniac/fireman who comes to tell you "There is a huge problem" and then says "but don't worry, I will solve it!"

There is also a third kind, the monkey transferor. She has a problem and she puts it on your shoulders, rather than bringing a solution or at least some options.

Problems usually have several aspects. It is usually a gap between an objective and the result; there are options to close the gap; there is a choice of one option to be made; key tasks, dates, people and resources needed must be defined.

On which of those steps in problem solving do you want your boss's input? Just be clear on what input you want rather than come with the stressful -- "I have a problem…" and throw the monkey.

6. Assumptions: Do not assume she knows as much as you do, but assume she can understand; so educate her. Please help, you are the expert. You spend all of your time and that of your team on the issue. You live with data, pressure points and levers; your boss does not. She does not know more than you do.

Most senior executives are even dangerous when they get involved in making micro-decisions, as their point of reference is often not the current one but rather the situation they knew when they were junior managers.

If you need her perspective, it is because it is broader; she has a better sense for inter-relationships with other parts of the organisation. You have two options.

You inundate her with technical stuff she does not understand, hoping that the amount of technical jargon will knock her down and force her to agree with you. It may work, but it may become a barrier in communication leading to lack of trust.

You educate him by simplifying, using easy to understand language, feeding him with articles, examples, best practices, summaries that help him see a perspective. By creating understanding, you relieve tensions; create trust that can lead to better decision-making.

7. Delegations: Constantly test the waters.

It is not always easy to define ex ante what is delegated to a person. Some companies prefer to use the principle of subsidiary rather than the principle of delegation: the principle of subsidiary stipulates that you can do everything except the following list, whereas in the principle of delegation you stipulate, "you cannot do anything except…"

Whichever is used, there will always be some doubt whether you have or do not have the delegation. You have two options: either you play it safe by always asking your boss's opinion. This can lead to paralysis, bottlenecks and your own demise, as your boss will think you are unable to take responsibility.

Or you assume too much, take decisions and learn after the fact that it was not yours to decide. In between, there is the 'test the waters' strategy especially for things or areas, domains or steps that are unprecedented.

8. Promises: Do not promise what you cannot deliver, and avoid surprises, trust is at stake.

Trust does not develop overnight and depends a lot on the predictability of the other person: what she says and does, how often she is living up to or not living up to her statements. In the same way, you will not fully trust your boss if she changes her mind too often or says things contrary to what you were told the last time.

You also want to avoid being seen as unreliable by not delivering on what you promise or surprising her with bad news without forewarning.

Do not promise dates for finishing projects you cannot handle. If you see that too much is asked of you, sit down and re-discuss priorities before proceeding, rather than becoming yourself a bottleneck. Involve your boss in the process, so it becomes a common priority.

Avoid bad surprises. If your job is to be in charge of a particular area, then it is also to be in charge of bad results and improving them.

Involve your boss in discussing and evaluating the risks, agreeing on key lead indicators that you will both share, so that neither you nor he will be surprised. For instance, whereas sales are not a good lead indicator, future orders or bookings can be. Cash in the bank is not, whereas good cash flow three months in advance is.

9. Differences: Manage differences in culture.

Sometimes ,we use a questionnaire called the Power Map to help participants identify their own culture (i.e. values they cherish, leading to certain behaviors), to identify other executives' profiles and discuss consequences on communication and leadership in a team.

To simplify, the four main types of profiles that our survey identified are:

People who like to 'control things' and introduce processes, develop more the 'now';

People who are more concerned with people, develop more the impact on people;

People who are more concerned with getting things done, start with key actions;

People who are more concerned with ideas, frame proposals in concepts.

Of course, in managing your boss you should know her personal inclination, as well as your personal bias. If you are process oriented, you will tend to present issues in a systematic and orderly fashion, with pros and cons, chronology of tasks, etc.

If your boss is the action type, she could be bored. So in that case an executive summary, emphasizing the key actions and results would be a handy starting point.

10. Trust: Don't be sloppy in your documentation. It undermines trust.

By making the assumption that she will check what we write or say anyway, and that she will make changes, we sometimes tend to be sloppy in our writing. Tables are not finished, text is not re-read, places we are going to are not visited beforehand, spelling is not checked, and information is missing...

By not finalizing your facts, arguments, memos, spelling, supporting documents, etc., you can be sure some things will get changed, mistakes corrected. And soon you will be asked to show more facts and figures, and you will see more changes, more amendments. Soon all the delegation you had will be gone.

(Author: Jacques Horovitz is Professor of Service Strategy, Service Marketing & Service Management at IMD, one of the world's leading business schools.)

Tips to Parenting

Any couple who believes that parenting a child is a bed of roses ought to think thrice. From birth up until the child "leaves the nest", so to speak, parents have the primary responsibility of rearing and nurturing that individual. Given this enormous duty, parents need all the help that they could get to be able to reach the finish line. Here are some tips from parents who share the same obligation:

THE EARLY MONTHS OF INFANCY

• Never turn away help that is offered by friends or relatives; more so by in-laws who are not there to meddle but just to give a much-needed assistance.
•  Always look a child in the eye while nursing him (it doesn't matter if you breastfeed or bottle feed); you are establishing a lifetime bond by doing this.
• Learn to play with your child and cherish every moment for they are fleeting.
• Keep a memento of memories that would last a lifetime such as a video or a journal account of his first smile, his first tooth, his first step, etc.
• Talk to your child even if all you get is an innocent stare.
• A child is God's gift so nurture and nourish it with all that you've got.

TERRIBLE TWOS ARE NOT SO TERRIBLE AFTER ALL

• Discipline a child out of love. Spanking is the exact opposite of love-it instills fear so never implement it in your home.
• Be generous with your hugs and kisses. These gestures mean one and only one thing-that you love your kid more than anything in the whole world!
• Listen to your child even if all you hear is gibberish talk.
• Be lavish in praising your child; he would love to behave or finish tasks all because he wants to please you.
• You are your child's fortress. Remember that he feels safest when he is in your arms.
• Never ignore a crying child (unless he's having a tantrum); this might be his way of expressing pain or frustration.
• Remember that Biblical verse where the author said you should "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he shall not depart from it"? Follow it.
• Never impose on your child that he, too, should behave like "little Sarah" or that he should be as strong as "little Bill"; never compare.
• Be ready to give up your "normal" life and start living your universe with your child at the center of it.
• Always answer every child's innocent question.

THOSE PRECIOUS SCHOOL YEARS

• Always be present during your kid's school programs; this will tremendously decrease juvenile misbehavior in the future.
• Sit through every assignment that your child asks help with.
• Laugh...and laugh out loud with your kid. Remember what the best medicine is?
• Go and seek out adventure. Your child will remember that canoeing event more than you buying something for him at the mall.
• Teach your child of spirituality and that Greater Being up there. He will surely pass this on to his posterity.
• Support your child on his artistic or sports inclination.
• Be sure to put your arm around him when he gets a vaccine shot or when he does not win on a school competition.
• Be the proud Mommy or Daddy even if he finished next to last on his class.
• Read a bedtime story to stimulate his mind and his imagination.
• Be ready to forgive because your child is bent to test your patience!
• Remember that kids are the greatest imitators so be watchful of your words and actions.
• Never train your child to be a couch potato; TV immobilizes a child's mind as it does to his body.
• Being with a kid is all about exaggeration-shout to the whole world how great an artist he is and he'll grow into it.
• Set your gauges low and your expectations high; children will definitely make mistakes but that doesn't mean they will not learn from them.
• Release the kid in you once in a while; don't be afraid to play with dirt and to bathe under the rain.
• Encourage your little one to dream and dream BIG! His imagination would surely take him to great heights that you have never even deemed possible.
• Never turn away a child when he is asking even the silliest questions-remember to give your undivided attention at all times.
• Even if you think your child is already asleep, don't forget to plant that goodnight kiss on his cheek.
• A child's love is unconditional so it's best to return it with equal fervor.
• Children can teach us more about life so be ready to pay attention.
• Let a child remember that there would be times when you would not agree with some of his behaviors but you would love him always.
• Your child is not your property, so never try to control them.
• A child who never learned to obey his parents at home will never listen to any kind of authority outside of home.

THOSE DANGEROUS YEARS CALLED PUBERTY

• Every parent will survive his child's teenage years, the question is, will this particular youth survive these years? Be there for your child every step of the way.
• Accept that puberty could be the first step to your child's ultimate independence. Do not fear being separated from your "little John" because he's not so little anymore.
• Bank on the thought that you instilled good morals into your kid so learn to trust your teenage child's decision.
• Make room for improvement-everything doesn't have to be decided by you now. Your teenager has a mind of his own, believe it or not.
• Sex education should be heard from Mommy and Daddy not just from the school teacher. Sexual orientation and attraction is a normal part of your life so it automatically is a part of your teenager's life as well.
• Don't stop becoming a parent as well as a friend; any teenager would appreciate a "cool Mom".
• Learn the "in" or "hip" things with your teenager so you don't get left out.
• To deter teenage depression, the rule is simple-just BE THERE for your kid.
• Know when and when not to hover. Teenagers appreciate privacy once in a while.
• If your teenager is on a new diet or exercise routine, don't just walk him through the benefits of this new regimen, JOIN him, too!
• Try some new looks with your teenager. As long as the look isn't taboo, go for it!
• Tell your teenager that everything will pass and so will acne.
• Teenage life is all about flair and drama-be prepared for them. Just be the gentle and unimposing director from behind the curtain.
• Go out as a family. In order to eliminate the dangers of feeling alone, let your teenager feel that you will always be there for him-through good times, more so on bad times.
• It doesn't matter if you're an early or late bloomer; or a steady or fast developer. At the end of the road, we're all just human beings at this race called life.
• Treat your teenager like an adult lest he starts wailing and starts acting like a baby.
• When your kid starts asking questions that have pertinent answers, then you'd know that he has grown.
• Be prepared to be hated by your child at some point in time-it's normal.

THE TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN

• A late bloomer is not a wallflower.
• Bees will always come to the flower so tell your sweet teenage girl that she can wait and as the saying goes-good things come to those who wait.
• Paint nails together and go to the parlor, spa or even the mall. Relaxing together is also a good way of bonding.
• Talk about boys-after all, what do girls want to talk about?
• Daddy should have some time with his teenage girl as well. A night out with Dad is one great way to stay close with the old man.
• Allow her to dance, sing her heart out, and to wear shorts-she's a teenager not a nun!

YOUNG MAN YOUR IMPATIENT

• Boys night out should not only be applicable to Dad's closest buddies but more so to his teenage son.
• Never embarrass your teenager in front of his favored girl.
• Brace yourself for errors in decision-making and many other things (you did, too, when you were younger). Just be there to catch him when he falls.
• Educate yourself on the latest bands, gadgets and games-he will greatly appreciate it.
• Talk to your young man about sex and the responsibilities involved in engaging on such an intimate act.

PARENTING IN GENERAL

• A real great parent loves all children and all that are about children. The parent is, after all, Heaven's caretaker of God's children on earth.
• For as long as the minds and hearts of your children are tender, do all you can to teach them the values that they would need when they grow up. Remember, it's hard to teach old dogs new tricks!
• Making children happy is not spoiling them. A happy, joyful home rears up individuals who are compassionate and confident. Do not fear to bank on happiness; spoiling means giving anything in excess and there can never be any excess when it comes to happiness.
• The best way to give your kid, even an unsolicited advice, is to know what he desires then gently urge him to do it.
• Talk less, listen more-this age old advice still remains true even for today's parents.
• Be more of an example and lessen your preaching-remember that kids are visual creatures.
• Your presents will never compensate for your presence.
• Don't be afraid to show vulnerability; go down on your knees and ask God in humble prayer for everything that your family needs.
• Maternal care in the animal world is all about rearing and letting go of the offspring into the world. Maternal care among humans is all this plus being amenable to welcome the child back if he needs to come home.
• The life of a child is a fresh canvass that the parent can begin to paint on trusting that it would turn out to be a masterpiece.
• Each child is a future father, mother or leader so be careful what you feed into these young minds. The future of the world rests on your hands.
• Make an indelible mark in your child's life by making him become what the Creator designed him to be.
• Your child will inevitably become what you currently are so be the best that you can be.
• Your child isn't perfect; strive instead to perfect your relationship with this child.
• Remember that a child would not only want to hear that you love him; he is more desperate to feel that you do love him.
• Let your kid see that you do random acts of kindness, he would surely follow suit.
• Success in your chosen career will never, ever compensate for failure in your home.
• If you're rich, share your wealth with others; if you have but little, give from your heart.
• Body language is more important than any verbal statement; so behave accordingly.
• Remember when it was said that the world can be changed one person at a time? Well, you can begin with your own child-right NOW.
• Never be ashamed to say sorry to your child; a good relationship is founded on mutual respect.
• Time well-spent with your children is worth a hundred of presents bought.
• If your child speaks fondly of you and looks up to you even in his adulthood, then you can say that you have made a successful job at parenting.
• Stop theorizing and start acting; stop being the perfect parent 'coz there isn't one.
• Communication is a two-way process, the simple rule is-one talks while the other listens.
• Never be afraid to give your child a pat on the back; you'll never know when he needs it the most.
• As a parent, don't be too hard on yourself. You can only mold the child's path but his future is still in his own hands.
• Your love as a parent should be the greatest and most unconditional love your child will ever receive in his lifetime. Your legacy to your family is more important than your achievements in the society.
• As the Biblical saying goes: Respect your father and your mother-this is a commandment, not a proposal.
• A parent's love is patient and all-enduring; when the world turns its back on a child, the parent is there to catch him.
• Sure, you can't choose your parents, so you might as well live with what you have and make the best out of it!
• Being a parent is being on call 24/7; you're a nurse, teacher, friend, and a policeman all at the same time!
• Parents are the best set of educators for their child. Even the greatest educational system can never surpass that.

Seven Personal Characteristics Of A Good Leader

SEVEN PERSONAL QUALITIES FOUND IN A GOOD LEADER

1. A good leader has an exemplary character. It is of utmost importance that a leader is trustworthy to lead others. A leader needs to be trusted and be known to live their life with honestly and integrity. A good leader "walks the talk" and in doing so earns the right to have responsibility for others. True authority is born from respect for the good character and trustworthiness of the person who leads.

2. A good leader is enthusiastic about their work or cause and also about their role as leader. People will respond more openly to a person of passion and dedication. Leaders need to be able to be a source of inspiration, and be a motivator towards the required action or cause. Although the responsibilities and roles of a leader may be different, the leader needs to be seen to be part of the team working towards the goal. This kind of leader will not be afraid to roll up their sleeves and get dirty.

3. A good leader is confident. In order to lead and set direction a leader needs to appear confident as a person and in the leadership role. Such a person inspires confidence in others and draws out the trust and best efforts of the team to complete the task well. A leader who conveys confidence towards the proposed objective inspires the best effort from team members.

4. A leader also needs to function in an orderly and purposeful manner in situations of uncertainty. People look to the leader during times of uncertainty and unfamiliarity and find reassurance and security when the leader portrays confidence and a positive demeanor.

5. Good leaders are tolerant of ambiguity and remain calm, composed and steadfast to the main purpose. Storms, emotions, and crises come and go and a good leader takes these as part of the journey and keeps a cool head.

6. A good leader, as well as keeping the main goal in focus, is able to think analytically. Not only does a good leader view a situation as a whole, but is able to break it down into sub parts for closer inspection. While keeping the goal in view, a good leader can break it down into manageable steps and make progress towards it.

7. A good leader is committed to excellence. Second best does not lead to success. The good leader not only maintains high standards, but also is proactive in raising the bar in order to achieve excellence in all areas.

These seven personal characteristics are foundational to good leadership. Some characteristics may be more naturally present in the personality of a leader. However, each of these characteristics can also be developed and strengthened. A good leader whether they naturally possess these qualities or not, will be diligent to consistently develop and strengthen them in their leadership role.

Barbara White President of Beyond Better Development has over twenty years experience in leadership. Beyond Better Development works with organizations who want their leaders to develop towards their potential and stay on the cutting edge.

Time Management

Time Management is a set of principles, practices, skills, tools and systems that help you use your time to accomplish what you want.


Why is time management important?
Time management is of great importance to your personal life and career success. It teaches you how to manage your time effectively and make the most of it.

Here are a few of the reasons why it is so important, and how it can help you use and manage your time more advantageously:

1. Time is a special resource that you cannot store or save for later use. Everyone has the exact same amount of time each day. Time not well used cannot be retrieved.

2. Most people feel like they have too much to do and not enough time. They blame lack of time for their poor finances, unachieved goals, stress, bad relationships and not exercising their body. Wise time management can help you find the time for what you desire to do or need to do.

3. You need time to get what you want out of life. Waiting for more free time to appear is losing the game of life. Through time management you can “create” the time you need, and not just wait for it to come. By planning your time wisely, you will have more time to do more things.

4. Time management will help you set up your priorities.

5. Time is limited to 24 hours a day, so plan your life wisely.

6. Time management helps you make conscious choices, so you can spend more of your time doing things that are important and valuable to you.

7. You can learn to find the time for the things that are important to you. Even a small amount of time once a day, or even once a week, will take you closer to your goals, and you will be surprised at the progress you make.

8. You become more productive using improved time management skills and tools, and can accomplish more with less effort and time. Time management can help you reduce wasted time and energy, help you become more creative and productive, and enable you to do the right thing at the right time. This will of course lead to more balance and fulfillment in your life.

9. Life today presents so many distractions that it is so easy to lose time on unimportant activities. Ask yourself, is watching this or that TV program, reading this or that gossip or participating in a certain activity is going to add anything to your life. Is the time spent on a particular activity well spent, or is just a waste of time and energy?

10. Life puts in front of everyone so many choices each day, and the question is, do you follow what appears on your way, or do you consciously choose what you want to do? Do you allow external distractions deter you from your goal, or do you use willpower and self discipline to walk toward your goal in a straight line, without wasting time and energy?

11. Some inner detachment and inner peace is of great help in managing your time effectively. If you avoid expending too much emotional and mental energy on what people say and think about you, and if you stay calm in spite of distractions or difficulties, you can save a lot of time and energy, which you can spend on better and more rewarding activities.

There are may things you can do and tools to use to manage your time effectively. There is a lot of time wasted each day, which can be put to better uses. There are changes you can make to effectively increase the time you have at your disposal every day.

Thinking, planning, finding out how others manage their time, and reading books and articles on time management, will develop these skills and give you good ideas.

Among the many changes you can make to manage your time better there is one that is important and easily available, and that is getting up early in the morning. Give up watching TV late at night and go to sleep a little earlier. It will then be easier to wake up earlier. Even 15 minutes would be great. It is a time of quietude, before everyone else wakes up, which you can devote to doing things, for which you have no time during the day, such as reading, meditating, exercising or planning your day.

To get rid of the feeling that you have much to do and not enough time, feel and think as if you have all the time in the world. This will help you feel calm and enable you to focus on what you are doing, without stress and strain. This is not being indifferent and lazy. You should at the same time plan your time well, not waste it on useless matters, do everything you can at the best of your ability, never procrastinate, act with discipline and focus on what you are doing.

Importance of Education

India is a devoloping country. The main factor that made india a devoloping country is its educational wealth .Mostly 80% of the population depend on agriculture and out of it 60% is illiterate. Thus the basis of all these problem is illiteracy. It is a main factor that can bring an end to all these rising problems among common man.Education is very important in the present day life.Only a literate person can now adjust with the devolopments of society.

Especially girls or women must be educated,as they play vital role in the society.There are some people arround us who still dont let their girl children to go to school and get educated.All these old customs or practices has to be removed.When a girl is educated she attains knowledge gains power this helps in her self development .When she has a family it gives a positive thinking and influences that family in various ways.When her kids grow she too makes them educated.This helps the society to improve in all aspects .This leads our country gradually to develop.

It is  fact that every one must get educated,when a girl get educated,they become aware and it reflects in the upcoming generations of our country.When all gets educated, problem of rising poverty gets decreased.In all aspects education is an important factor that helps in bringing about various changes to ourselves as human beings and also to the society.

Getting educated makes man perfect and eligible.The new generations must get educated and be valuable resources to our own country.World being today in this position ,the basis of all these achievement is education .

Thus getting educated is very important to be a good human being and a good citizen.With Education we can achieve all that we want and can make new things and resources and meet the growing needs.

With Hon'ble Veerapadiar, Agriculture Minister,(Govt.of Tamilnadu) During inspection of arrangements for Prime Minister visit(05 September 2008) .Venue:Salem Steel Plant.

Visit to New Delhi to meet Hon'ble Ministers on behalf of SSP-OBC association(July 2009)